Employee refuses to let coworker participate in Secret Santa after they demand only to give a gift but not get one: ‘The game doesn't work like that’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Nov 14, 2025 1:00 PM EST

You'd think that most people, if given the opportunity, would love to get a present, but apparently, some people would much rather give a gift than get one.

Secret Santa is a fun tradition that allows offices, classes, families, and other social circles to bond. Everyone gets a chance to get to know the other participants better, find out what they like and dislike, and come up with the best gift to give them. And let's face it, it's also fun to have someone else do the same for you, and then get a gift that showcases how much they appreciate you. 

Well, the coworker in the story below, Trey, enjoys the process of giving someone a gift, but doesn't want to get one for himself. When he explained that to the employee who hosts the office Secret Santa, they told Trey he can't participate unless he puts his name in the hat and agrees to someone else giving him a gift.

Some coworkers thought the host was being unreasonable and should have allowed Trey to participate by only gifting a gift. Others agree that Terry's insistence unnecessarily complicates the game…

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10575265792
    via Maxime
  • 02

    WIBTAH if I tell my coworker he can't participate in Secret Santa due to his conditions?

    Okay, so: I'm hosting a Secret Santa at work. It's an employee-run event (no managers involved), and I have been the one to host it for the past few years.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 03
    I made up some questionnaire slips, sent out an email, and started handing out slips to those who want to participate.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 04
    One of my coworkers (we'll call him Trey), who I actually really get along with, can be..
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 05
    difficult.. at times. And has chosen my hosted event as one of those times for some reason.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 06
    Anyways, here's how it went down: I hand him a slip since he participated last year, and I assumed he would want to play again.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 07
    He took the slip from me and then asked me "can I just buy someone a gift and not get one?" I told him no, it doesn't work like that.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 08
    Someone is going to draw his name and they're gonna want to get him a gift.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 09
    He told me to just put in someone's name who doesn't want to play. I said "they don't want to play, though, so I'm not gonna do that.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 10
    You either play or you don't. There's no in-between." This just makes sense in my head.
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  • 11
    But he kept arguing with me saying he really doesn't want any gifts and he doesn't need any more clutter in his house, but he still wants to buy a gift for someone.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 12
    Another coworker overheard our conversation and kind of called me out for it, saying "damn, just let Trey give a gift to someone and put someone's name in at random.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 13
    Someone gets an unexpected gift and Trey doesn't have to receive one" I really hate the idea of this, but I told Trey I would think about it.
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  • 14
    But that just makes no sense to me. I'm not gonna put a random person's name into the hat, and I'm not gonna start asking around "who wants to get a gift, but doesn't want to buy one?" I feel bad because I want Trey to be able to play and participate with us, but I don't like getting pushed into changing rules and making exceptions for people.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 15
    In my head, the way I set it up is the way the game is played.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 16
    You either play or you don't. Am I wrong, though? Should I just let him "donate" his gift to someone else?
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  • 17
    Edit/Update: Hey guys, the issue has been resolved. You can see some of my replies for the full story.
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  • 18
    In short, I have asked him to handle the logistics of his gift and am going to let him play.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 19
    H Secret Santa
    via RTimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    The post is still getting some traction. I was going to ask the mods to close it, but I really enjoy reading about people's work Secret Santa experiences.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 21
    So keep the stories coming lol. I'd like to say a few things about some points keep keep making.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 22
    1. Just let him play and don't put his name in and then one person won't have to buy a gift.
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  • 23
    My response: It takes the fun out of the game for most people. Like we saw with Trey, pretty much everyone \wants\ to buy a gift for someone.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 24
    That's why they play. Getting gifts is always fun too ofc. But we all love to buy gifts for people, and I'm not going to take that away from anyone.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 25
    That's why I asked Trey to find someone on his own who is willing to do that.
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  • 26
    2. I pressured him into participating when he didn't want to. My response: Okay, I know I didn't say it outright, but just so everyone is aware...
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  • 27
    it is a \voluntary\ participation. No one has to play. Trey \\wants\\ to participate. Just without receiving a gift in return.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 28
    3. Have a raffle for whatever gift he gets My response: To be frank, I really just don't want to set this up.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 29
    I was pressured into doing the Secret Santa by my coworkers again because I've done it in the past and no one else will really organize it.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 30
    But I'm extremely busy at work right now and had so many issues last year with managers getting involved, I really didn't want to have to do it again.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 31
    Before you say I shouldn't have done it at all, I'll explain myself a little. For one, it started as an alternative to the absolute terrible job our company does for their Christmas gifts.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 32
    It ends up being a lottery every year with some people getting huge flat screens and others getting a dog bowl lol.
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  • 33
    We started doing Secret Santa as our own way of taking control and making things fair and fun and also being able to further bond with each other.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 34
    It's a small company and we're all pretty close. Especially us hourly folks. Two, the company is shutting down on December 31st and this is a way for us to kind of go out on a high note in regards to our friendships and work relationships.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 35
    Some of us may never see each other again. It's been a good bonding experience for us in the past so I figured we should do it one last time while we can.
    via Puzzled_Good_1378
  • 36
    Well I've rambled on long enough lol.. thanks for listening, everyone
    via Puzzled_Good_1378

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christmas aita workplace-stories presents employee manager job tales-from-the-workplace coworkers Secret Santa gift Office workplace company funny
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